You never thought you’d make it to this point. I know you were convinced that if the eating disorder didn’t kill you, that the drugs would. I know partly that was your goal because you couldn’t stand how insane this world seemed and how the hell you’d survive in it. You’d spent so many years trying to destroy yourself because you were certain that you came into this world by accident. There were all the mornings that started with tears as you threw your clothes all over the floor of your room, uncertain of how to feel it was acceptable to be wearing this skin. And there were all those nights that ended in tears, hopelessly yearning for that one person that could just swallow you with their arms and tell you that Everything Will Be Okay. I know you remember that one day you came home from doing coke at a friend’s house and you lay on your futon wondering when the rush would end. For the first time, you were truly afraid of dying. Your heart was pounding and you were sure you wouldn’t make it to the morning. All you wanted to do was to fall asleep and forget about this life for a while, but your body, as well as your sanity, lay there shaking.
To your own surprise, you woke up the next morning and you were glad your mother didn’t have to grieve over a life that had been unlived.You knew things had to change. Something within you told you that you were worth saving.
I feel the obligation to remind you of your past because you were sure that all of your suffering was in vain. All those struggles broke you down but I hope you’re rebuilding yourself according to your image. You always prayed that your most challenging moments had meant something and all I can say is: How could they NOT? You’ve learned by now that the world is not yours to change. But what you can change is yourself. You often speak about the potential within all of us and I hope you’ve begun to put YOURS to use, without the usual hesitation and fear that held you back. You’ve spent your life being afraid of this rotating green sphere but it’s time to become a Queen of your reality and take your place in your throne.
I believe in you. I’m proud of you. And I love you so much. You are worthy. The world needs you. And abundance awaits you.You have already overcome so much. Remember, “You were given this life so that you could live it.”
Just keep going.
Your Higher Self, Cheyenne Burroughs